I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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