A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
