those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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