So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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