Someone shit on the floor
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
