arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
