I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
