i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
and she was petting her beer can
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
