You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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