what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
