i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
