I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
