She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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