He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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