They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
