is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize