hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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