the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
