I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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