just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
