there's paper in my vomit.
false alarm. still invincible.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
