Apparently you make a good broom.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
