If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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