Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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