I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
