i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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