and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
