His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
