Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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