Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
