Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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