somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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