Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
