Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
