just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
