woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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