If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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