What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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