I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
