Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
