i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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