what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
