No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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