This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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