i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
