we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
