If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
