Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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