What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
