so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
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This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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