I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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