how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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