Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
