I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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