Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
