Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
