There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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