just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
