Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
