just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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