Don't make out with my wife yet
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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