help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
