I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
