words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
