dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Michael Bay diarrhea
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
