glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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