I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
