Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
