I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
