My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
